This isn’t a cannonball run. The last thing we want is people chopping the top off crappy old civics and then driving 120mph and crashing into a tree or a truck or falling off a cliff or something.  So in order to make it competitive, and tons of fun, each team will earn points through challenges en route to New Orleans (aka: the Miami of Louisiana). The list of challenges will not be given until the day of the road rally, so teams will have to strategize on the fly. In addition, the Wilcox brothers reserve the right to award and deduct points on impulse or randomly.

 

THE YEAR OF THE UGLY CHOPPY
This year, we are offering bonus points (+500) for the ugliest cars ever made. These cars are so ugly that they never should have been produced. Let’s get them halfway to the junkyard by chopping the top. Here is the list:

1. PT CRUISER

Seriously, who thought this was a good idea. This is the worst attempt of all the “retro” throwbacks. Yes, we know this one was offered as a convertible and we don’t care. CHOP IT.

 

2. PONTIAC AZTEK

This car is so ugly that it is almost charming. But don’t fool yourself. It is just ugly. Chopping the top will be a serious improvement.

 


3. FIRST GENERATION PONTIAC TRANSPORT

These vans are from the future. But not a future that we are cool with. Obviously if you were looking for a minivan in this era, you would be driving a Previa and not this heap.

 


4. PONTIAC GRAND AM AND PONTIAC GRAND PRIX AND PONTIAC SUNFIRE. ACTUALLY JUST ANY PONTIAC (EXCEPT THE FIERO!)

Pure driving excitement. Always driven by a douchebag. Extra douchey is that one Grand Am with the Ferrari lines on the side panels and even the wheels. Ram air is fake.

 


5. DODGE NEON


You thought they looked awesome when you saw that stupid “Hi” commercial. But the test of time proved that they are annoyingly ugly. Good luck finding one that runs.

 


6. WIKIPEDIA'S LIST OF AUTOMOBILES CONSIDERED THE WORST

This list includes the Cadillac Cinnamon (sorry Steve) and the Chrysler Sebring. No you don’t get bonus points for the Aztec because it’s also on our list. Also, the DeLorean gets bonus points, but it is -1000.

 


7. FIRST GENERATION CHRYSLER CONCORDE 92-97'

This was a bad era for sedans. You thought the Ford Taurus was ugly, and then this thing showed up. Better yet, find the Eagle Vision version.

 


8. SUBARU BAJA

Just like the Aztec, this one is so ugly that some people started to grow fond of their weirdness. Yes they are weird and yes they deserve to be chopped.

 


9. PORSCHE PANAMERA

People got so mad that Porsche was making a 4-door sedan. They should have been mad that they were making a really ugly 4-door sedan. Extra +300 for chopping a Porsche.

 


10. SUZUKI X90

Please someone find one of these and bring it to the challenge. Pretty please.